Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize