It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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