I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
