we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
