but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
