So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
