I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
