I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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