just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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