just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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