I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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