i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
