he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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