somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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