Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
