I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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