so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
