At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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