He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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