At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize