im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
