I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
