last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
