end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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