piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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