He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
