So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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