'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
