Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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