how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
