If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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