i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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