New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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