Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
