Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
