Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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