About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
