I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
