Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
