I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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