Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
