Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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