I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
