Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
