Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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