you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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