I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
