She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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