why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
