So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
