$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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