How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
