How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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