That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
