I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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