I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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