Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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