There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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