I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
