I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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