You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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