I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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