Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
