omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize