I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
